Bring Back Des Lynam

The following is a list of things I wish to be removed from football match presentations on television.


1. Half the screen being taken up by the channel's logo and red dot and a scrolling bar informing when next they'll be obscuring football matches. Just the time and score should be appearing, kept small but readable in the top left hand corner.

2. The addition of a graphic as they go to an ad break which attempts to surmise the match in a single line in pun form. Example: Arsenal recently made a comeback in a match against Aston Villa, coming from 2-0 down to win 3-2 which prompted ESPN to use the line "Arsenal go from Villains to Heroes" as they headed back to the studio. Aston Villa are nicknamed The Villains for those of you unaware so this statement made no sense whatsoever. Had Arsenal transformed themselves into Aston Villa for a portion of the match? No, of course they bloody didn't.


3. Retired football players being given pundit/commentary jobs simply because they are retired football players. Notable inclusions in this bunch include: Ruud Gullit, Alan Shearer, Robbie Savage, Martin Keown, John Barnes, Gareth Southgate, Peter Reid, Mike Summerbee, Lee Dixon, Mark Lawrenson, David Pleat and Steve McManaman. In fact extend this to current players popping in too (usually when their country hasn't qualified for whatever international competition is currently taking place), this means you Emmanuel Adebayor.

4. Adrian Chiles.

5. Junior presenters who don't sit with the pundits or do anything relevant but who stand beside a big screen for thirty seconds pre and post match updating the viewers on the fixtures/results. Why can't Chiles do this himself?

6. The obligatory "local" music for the opening credits when a tournament takes place from a non European location. Examples: The 2002 and 2010 World Cups.

7. ESPN's determination to break the important news of how much time will be added on at the end of each half seconds before it's announced to everyone else. That's some top investigative work there chaps, quite the scoop! 

8. Pitch side build up/analysis. Either get back in the studio and do it properly or make it worthwhile and do it front of a stand full of Turkish fans.

Hostile.